Scars: re, 1
Scares with a new imagining, a new telling, a new perspective
I think I’m done.
I signaled I needed help, and all I received in return was three little words.
I can’t make this effing stuff up. It’s been coming for a while now, and I’ve been prepping to go without knowing: savoring all I can within each room and place. Remembering the moments that made me feel all sorts of feels, what Orca used to be and how it has changed.
The things that can happen in a few cycles (think months) and a couple phases (think a week where nights never turned to day but changed from red to violet to blue to green to gold based on the moon and stars).
I thought I needed those people I vibed with, those places I felt comfortable in. But was there any actual comfort? I was just looking to be witness and, now, most of it doesn’t feel real.
It wasn’t real, and my self worth is no longer dependent on those dreamers or places. Knowing I can survive on my own doesn’t make the decision any easier.
Now I am done.
For the longest time, I kept pushing the decision aside, ignoring it, resenting it.
I kept saying give it two more cycles, take a phase to think.
Each time, something in my heartspace loosened. Then, moments ago, whatever it was fell away, the weight of it melting off my shoulders.
I felt unstuck. I felt done.
So, I’m done.
Maybe if they had said more than three words, or three different words.
But they didn’t.
So, I’m done.
Thank you for reading. I have no idea where this is going or what it will be. But I hope you enjoy wherever and whenever you are. Hope its pretty cool there. Its okay here, I guess. Somethings are pretty cool except for all the things that are not at all cool.
You can find Scars: re here and at my website Shady Sapling. There you can check out the entire Scars archive—about ten different segments of world building and experimental narratives.
Talk soon, Stay Safe,
A 🍃 🍂 🍁